13.2.09

about delusional meows

so... I had a fever.

I was in my bed, resting, dreaming or something. and, I can assure you, I could hear the humans, in the room below me, I was sure I could hear them, moving in their dreams, I could hear them! I could hear voices, I was sure I could, but, I couldn't wake up to make sure... my eyelids were too heavy! then... I finally woke up, and sure enough, I was hearing something. Eclipse in my cellphone, I still had the headphones on. so I sighed, took off the headphones and went on sleeping, or something.

ant then, I can't say I WAS asleep, but I wasn't awake either, I was, delusional... I knew I was awake, I could feel my awakeness, I knew what was around me, but my head, my head wasn't with me, I was, or it was, actually, in some kind of forest, full of wolves and vampires, fighting each other... it wasn't THAT weird, though, I was in the battle scene, in Eclipse, when I took the headphones off, which was really sad, 'cause that meant, I've slept all trough Fire and Ice which is my favorite chapter ever... but well, that's not the point. the point is, they were fighting, but, I knew that was wrong! they didn't have to fight each other! so... the wolves and the vampires started fighting together, against some other enemy, that was right... they had to protect the human... only, it wasn't the same one, the human in the books, and the human in my dream, and that was wrong too... kind of. so, they changed again, and now, the wolves were circling the vampires, trying to find their matches... and then I knew I was hallucinating, only in my world, a wolf would fall for a vampire, so, again, I wanted to wake up, but I couldn't. I had to look at the same scenes, over and over and over, I was quite bored, at the end, but, no matter how hard I tried, I just simply stayed in bed sleeping, or something.

then, mom's cold hand woke me up. perhaps her hand wasn't that cold, rather that I was really, really hot. so, she put the thermometer in my mouth, and waited, at my side. I felt like a five year old, again, but, it didn't bother me that much this time. I was really tired, and I really wanted to sleep again, I knew I shouldn't, though, sleeping with a thermometer in your mouth isn't the best of the ideas, so, I tried hard to stay awake. it was really long, but she finally took the thermometer out, I had to take a pill, and wait. mom was worried that I was really bad, delusional... I knew I was. she started asking questions, to know if I was really here, if I knew what happened, she asked my name, first... and for a second, I was tempted to answer Danush, I knew I was delusional, so, what was the point in hiding it? at last, I told her my real name, and laughed. I'm serious, you have to answer she told me, I knew she was, that was what made it all so funny. after a few other questions, she gave me the thermometer once again, and I had to wait another interminable five minutes.

I was in the bed, waiting, and, the only thing I could think was so much for a vampire! and laughed at my self. and started thinking, what could possibly go wrong with a vampire? that the vampire in question would have to stay in bed, resting, perhaps some kind of wolf influenza, something you could only get if you stayed with the pack for way too long, no normal vampire would like that, so, no normal vampire could know... and then, I laughed at myself again, only I could think of something like that in a time like this, so I tried to think about something else, but I couldn't, and I laughed, again.

all this delusions in my life, in my normal life, let alone when I'm sick, were never good... last time thought me that. we all got hurt that time, I'm still hurt, and it wasn't the others fault, it was all mine, and yet, here I was again, imagining things, creating worlds... at least, this time no one but me would get hurt, and that was right... besides, this time, I was ready, for anything that could go wrong, or so I hope, this time, I had to manage the situation, I have to. and the five minutes flew by. my fever was lower, I felt less hot, and I was sleepy again. and this time I could sleep, and I slept, slept all morning, no dreams, no wolves, no forests.

mom woke me up again, with some fruit and a new pill. I took'em, and went back to sleep. and now I know, that then, right then, I was finally fine, because not 'till now I thought, that at the moment, my delusions should have thought something like , no, because I had to throw up that later, or that I had to give it to the pack when mom left, but no, not a single vampire related thought came to my mind then

so, I guess I'm ok, delusional like always, a bit more on the other side that in this, but that's just me. on the other hand, my blurry night of thoughts did some good. it is true that my fantasises overcome my reality some times. so, I'll keep writing in W4, I'll keep fantasying about wolfs, I'll keep sighing when I read, well, listen to Jake's parts on the book, but I'll have to keep in mind that reality is good, and even more important, reality is real. I think even the teenager is more focused than I am! but well, I have a lot more issues than she has thanks Hades for that. I really do not want her, not anyone, for that matter, to have the kind of issues that I have. I know I'm not something special, just some random girl with troubles in her head, and I kind of can live with that now, sometimes is harder, like a couple of days ago. sometimes is easier, not so frequently, though. usually I'm just me, messed up, living oh so many different lives in my head, running away from the world, like I said, just another messed up late teenager

xoxo, GG

[for those who don't know, that is for GriffinGirl... perhaps I'll change it again
and... did you notice that I love the word delusional?? xD]

1 comentario:

  1. Ok?... esto paso exactamente, que dia? ayer? antier?, hoy?... Danush! te estas muriendo! estas grave prima!... Bueno, te dejo a ti y a tus enfermedades... pero me preocupas, que tal que un dia de estos te da por saltar de un risco?! ¬¬ no contestes!... Espera, lo ultimo no tiene nada que ver, bah! da igual!... En fin, mejorate por completo, me oiste? So, ojala y no te mueras hoy, ni mañana, ni el resto de tu eternidad! ^^

    Miau

    xoxo Lola Cullen! ><

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